Redirecting Our Shifting Culture
Last weekend in Oakland, California, 25 people gathered together at Canticle Farm—a radically inclusive intentional community—to learn about Kit Miller’s new book Culture Shift: Nonviolence at Work. This event was planned as a celebration, but just days after the results of the US elections came in, many in the group arrived that morning heavy with despair, anger, fear, and deep sadness about the direction in which our country is moving.
Whether we are talking about the culture of a home or a school or a country, all cultures shift over time. Events like national elections reflect the shifts that have already been taking place, a snapshot of the future we choose at this point in time. The winning message of this election cycle offers us a lot of feedback from the tens of millions of people who voted: that many people are looking for relief from the high cost of living, that concerns about less tangible global issues didn’t outrank things that affect people most directly, that violent rhetoric and political retribution are not dealbreakers, and that mass deportations, removing rights and protections for swaths of the population, climate denial, and dismantling public safety nets are acceptable (if not desirable) to a majority of voting Americans.
Anne Symens-Bucher introducing Kit Miller at Canticle Farm.
In other words, in this election we chose to double down on cultural and structural violence, likely without seeing it that way, and many of us are struggling with this information. It’s painful to feel these divisions, and to know that there is so much on the line from personal safety to the future of democracy to the survival of our planet. To practice nonviolence towards ourselves and others in this moment, and to prepare for the steps that need to be taken from here, we must first process what we’re experiencing.
“Transforming suffering matters because unexpressed sorrow clogs emotional arteries. If we don’t deal with it, it spills out onto others, often in harmful ways. We may be wrestling with personal sorrow, like losing a loved one, or despair at the state of the world, or the quiet desperation of unfulfilled dreams. Or, our grief may be collective sorrow, such as mourning a mass shooting, war, climate change, or devastating disaster. Whatever the source, grief can affect every part of our lives. Relating to it consciously is essential if we wish to transform rather than transfer grief and suffering onto others.” (Culture Shift, p. 42)
So on the morning of November 10th, Kit invited us to put Culture Shift to use and practice one of the essential elements of creating a culture of nonviolence: sharing and processing grief. Participants read a small excerpt from the book about metabolizing heartbreak. This, and every, section in the book ends with “your turn” questions—equally useful for personal reflection and group conversations. Here, readers are asked, “What are your strategies when faced with suffering and grief?”
After reading, everyone formed small groups with two people who were new to them to share strategies and, often, to share what was bringing them grief. The conversations were deep and lively as folks worked together through circumstances and ideas, voicing diverse perspectives that helped create rich understandings. Back in the larger group, one participant said, “Sometimes I feel that I have to put up a barrier to my grief to get through my day. But here, I saw how important it was that we all showed up together, so I let my guard down to be with my grief, together with others brave enough to do the same.”
The mood was palpably lighter. People were forming new connections—small sparks of hope in a dark time. Still, there was an awareness that this group was self-selecting. Not everyone would show up to engage with a book dedicated to nonviolence. The question arose: How do we invite those who are reluctant to open up and share to process this grief?
Kit shared her experience working with one group of folks eager to jump straight into action and stay busy to keep these hard feelings at bay. After a moment listening to them discuss what to do and how to start, she slowed things down with one question:
“To whom do you want to dedicate the benefits of our work today?”
This prompt created space to bring into the room the people they cared about most and the people they worried about most, to share their value with their collaborators, helping everyone to expand the circle of who they consider and work to protect.
“We have one hour a month together, and a lot to pack into that time,” Kit said. “This week, we spent 25 minutes sharing who we were working for, letting in the grief, followed by 25 minutes of some of our most incredible work yet, and still wrapped up 8 minutes early.”
The results of the US election have not set our future in stone. They have, however, held up a mirror to our society, reflecting where we are now and how things can unfold. If we want to shift the culture in another direction, towards a world that works for all, we can support that movement by embracing leadership and fostering nonviolence on every scale. We can practice transforming our grief—perhaps by joining the virtual grief circle with the M. K. Gandhi Institute—so we don’t transfer it to others. We can invite friends, family, colleagues, and neighbors together to study Culture Shift: Nonviolence at Work so the changes we make ripple out into our communities. And with patience and persistence, we can dismantle the cultural and structural violence we see to push ever closer towards a nonviolent world.
