Why We All Need to Explore “Disarming Conversations, Connecting Across Divides”

From Christian Picciolini’s Tedx Talk.

The story is incredible. Recruited to the neo-Nazis as a teenager, Christian Picciolini became a white supremacist, even trying to start a white power group at a local high school. What made him change? A series of unexpected events: he had a son and stopped engaging in racially motivated hate crimes. He spoke to a Black person whose mother—like his—was suffering from breast cancer. His wife divorced him over his hate. Eventually, he stopped selling white supremacist music at his record store. He lost his business when the neo-Nazis stopped buying. He lost custody of his kid. Alone and confused, he could have run back into hate. 

Then a friend called. “I’m worried about you,” she said. 

She helped him get a job installing computers. He wound up working at his old high school. He ran into the Black security guard who had hauled him out of school more than once. He apologized. The man forgave him, but said, “don’t ever stop telling people your story—that you left hate behind.”

At a time when rising toxic polarization and increasing violence around ideologies has everyone worried, this story is a reminder about what ends hate. It’s not facts. It’s not righteous indignation or moral superiority. It’s not even the scorn of the general public, power holders, and public figures. 

It’s human connection, relentless persistence, and someone who’s willing to listen. 

This pattern appears again and again in the true stories of people who leave the KKK, renounce the Proud Boys, and exit extremist groups. Documentary filmmaker Deeyah Khan even argues that—no matter how wildly their beliefs diverge—extremists of all stripes get into these groups because they’re looking for meaning, purpose, and belonging. And that’s what gets them to leave. Not facts. Not bombs. Not arrests. Deeyah Khan is one of the few people who have interviewed both white supremacists and jihadists. We should listen to her stories.

If what Christian Picciolini and Deeyah Khan say is true, stopping hate could be done by any of us. We may have a chance to interrupt its deadly cycle at the grocery store, the street corner, or the ballpark. Instead of running away from our neighbors when they say racist things, we have a chance to challenge and transform those beliefs in that moment. If our friends or families repeat untruths they’ve heard on Fox News, we have an opportunity to intervene before the lies escalate any further. 

But how do we do this?

Pace e Bene is launching a program, “Disarming Conversations, Connection Across Divides'' to help us gain skills for transforming hate and polarization. This 8-week course will draw real life stories from Christian Picciolini, Deeyah Khan, Ann Atwater and CP Ellis, Daryl Davis, and many more. We’ll hear from guest presenters (Cat Zavis, Edwin Rutsch, Kathleen Campisano) and learn from the best practices they’ve been using, such as radical empathy, deep canvassing, applying interpersonal nonviolence, and more. Cofacilitators Rosa Zubizarreta and Rivera Sun will meet weekly with participants, guiding practice sessions, and offer ways to apply this knowledge week-by-week in our communities.

This kind of interpersonal nonviolence is a cornerstone of Pace e Bene/Campaign Nonviolence’s vision of a culture of active nonviolence. It’s powerful work and a piece of the equation. It’s not a replacement for shoring up institutions and keeping ideologies of hate and discrimination from occupying positions of power, nor a replacement for repealing laws that turn biases into discriminatory policies. But it is a way to directly prevent or counter recruit people who have adopted hate as a belief system. It is how we engage our courage and compassion to help our neighbors and community members walk away from hate. It’s how we take our practice of nonviolence from the person to the interpersonal in a way that can unleash powerful, positive ripple effects in our world. 

Learn more and sign-up here (Starts May 25). Scholarships are available. https://paceebene.org/events/2021/5/25/disarming-conversations-connecting-across-divides