I arrived for church this morning a bit late and was, I admit, rather distracted during the first part of the service.  I spent most of the time during the readings thinking about the personal struggles that I am going through in my life right now.  But when it came to the homily, I was able to focus on what the priest was saying, although I wasn’t too pleased with what I heard.

There was a visiting Irish priest who was conducting the service, and he opened by talking about Independence Day and how great America is.  As a non-American, I was far from enthralled with his message.  He talked about how America is tolerant and open to immigrants.  He told a story of being an Irishman in England and there being advertising jobs that read “Irish need not apply” and reflected how great it was that America doesn’t have that kind of discrimination. 

Already, in my head, I was ripping his homily to shreds.  What was he talking about?  America doesn’t have discrimination?  Just because they don’t put it on the job advertisements any more doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.  Was he blind?  I listened on but had decided that I really wasn’t open to the message he was going to share.

The priest went on to admit that some discrimination does still happen in the States and cautioned the congregation against discriminating against people based on their race, gender, ethnicity, or religion.  Given the already negative attitude I had adopted towards his homily, I thought angrily to myself “And what about sexual orientation?!”  A series of frustrated thoughts continued to race through my head about the Church’s stance on homosexuality and social and structural prejudice against members of the LGBT community.  As these thoughts went through my head I could feel my anger rising, at the Church in general and at this priest specifically.  I wanted to stand up and yell at him in front of the whole congregation, demanding an explanation as to why he hadn’t included sexual orientation in his list.  In my head I was already having conversations with my friends and family ranting about my frustration.  But suddenly I was reminded of the nonviolent learning and training I have been going through over the last month.  

In my experience with Pace e Bene and the Metta Mentors, I have learnt about nonviolent communication, meaningful dialogue, and the importance of humanizing your opponent and not pre-supposing their position.  As I reflected on these important lessons, I decided that the appropriate nonviolent action to take in this situation was to approach the priest and talk to him after mass.  I reflected on my nonviolent communication training, discerned what I felt would be the best way to approach him, and prepared myself for the worst.  I anticipated that I would receive a negative response from him and become embroiled in a conversation about the morality of homosexuality in the Catholic Church.  In order to stay calm and prepare myself mentally for the consequences of my decision, I spent the rest of mass repeating a mantra to myself: ”Love your enemies; love your enemies; love your enemies.”  

As the mass came to a close and the priest went to give the announcements, he asked us permission to tell us a joke he’d forgotten to include in his homily.  It was stupid, and largely irrelevant, but he said it with a smile on his face and the congregation laughed.  I used that opportunity to remind myself that, whatever his opinions on homosexuality, this was not a bad man.  He was a man who believed in Jesus Christ and in God and had chosen to give his life their service.  He also was a human being with a sense of humour. 

During the recessional hymn, as he processed to the back of the church, I could feel my heart rate quicken.  I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths, continuing my mantra: ”Love your enemies.”  I then opened my eyes and went outside to the front of the church where the priest was standing.  I went over to him and shook his hand.

     “Father,” I said “I want to ask you a question about your homliy.”
     “Yes,” he said.  ”What is it?”
     “Well.  From what I understood, the message of your homily was that we should not discriminate against other people based on their race, gender, and ethnicity.  Is that right?”
     “Yes.”
     “Father, why didn’t you include sexual orientation on your list?”

I held my breath, waiting for the onslaught of righteousness and piety that I was sure would follow.  He paused for a moment and looked me squarely in the eye.

     “You know.  I hadn’t thought of that.  It hadn’t occured to me.”

I suddenly remembered I’d stopped breathing and started again.

     “You’re right,” he continued.  “That is something very prevalent in our society and I will be sure to include it from now on.”  He took my hand and shook it.  ”Thank you.  God bless you.”

     “God bless you too, father.  Have a great day.”

We have all been guilty, at one time or another, of jumping to conclusions and passing judgements on other people.  But if you’re open and give them a chance, they might surprise you.

Peace and all good.